


The Healing

by QueenPotatos



Category: Free!
Genre: Depression, Disabled Character, Injury Recovery, M/M, Merry Christmas!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:25:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenPotatos/pseuds/QueenPotatos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On their way back Rin shouted to the young doctor.</p><p>"How much more time do you think he will need to heal?" He asked.</p><p>It was not, by any mean, an easy question ; it was more the kind of one doctors hated because their wisdom couldn’t go that far. "I don’t know," he replied in all honesty, "I may know exactly how long it takes for an neuron’s axon to grow back, but I know nothing about how much time a person needs to heal from such an heavy physical and mental wound. Only time can."</p><p>Seeing the despair and, the doctor guessed, the love, still so clearly in Rin’s eyes, showed him his reply didn’t match the professional swimmer’s expectancy.</p><p>"It’s not him," Rin said, "I don’t recognize him. It can’t be Haru."</p><p> </p><p>(There's a time to endure, and then comes the time to heal.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Healing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VagabondDiesel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VagabondDiesel/gifts).



> I am so sorry this is edited but not beta. As I am not a native english speaker I hope it will be alright :s Have a nice read.

## The Healing

 

 

 

1.

 

There weren’t a lot of pools which could welcome a wheelchair indoors; Haru realized that quite quickly. And on top of everything they wouldn’t let him use it alone – but that was mostly because Makoto was worried sick that something might happen, as if it wasn’t already enough. Today there was a therapist waiting for them, and Haru barely recognized his doctor wearing civilian clothes next to him.

"How are you doing?" He asked Haru with a joyful voice.

Makoto smiled and replied for him, as always, not that he cared much – just a little. "Everything is going fine! Haru really can’t wait to start this new program."

"Being in the water had really done miracle on your spirit." The doctor said. "I’ve heard today’s session is going to be special for you, isn’t it?"

Haru did not reply, nor did Makoto. Their eyes just simultaneously gazed upon the naked back already emerged in the pool, warming up his muscle with his yellow cap covering his red hair. Rin soon realized he was being the centre of attention and came out of the pool to greet them properly.

"So, are you ready for a kind of training you’ve never seen before?" He teased.

Haru looked away, embarrassed by their childhood memories. "You’re a pain," he breathed, and waited until the moment was appropriate to add, in a cute voice, "Rinrin."

"!!-You-fishleg!"

Everybody laughed but unfortunately there weren’t any time to waist : Rin had blocked the pool for themselves but for 45 minutes only. Makoto and the therapist brought the wheelchair near the edge of the pool. They took Haru by both of his side, one hand under his thigh and one hand under his shoulder. Delicately they made him sit on the tiles slippery floor.

"Be careful with your heels." Makoto said.

"He’s not a baby, he can take care of himself." Rin told him.

"I always look for scratches and cuts after I come back from the pool."

"Not only after that I hope!" The doctor added.

Haru pushed himself on his arms and caught the ladder. Rin took his sides and stabilized him when Haru’s feet touched the ground. "Is that okay?" He asked, and Haru nodded.

Makoto stayed for the very beginning and then, he excused himself.

"Aren’t you staying longer?" The doctor asked.

"I don’t think they need me ; actually I think Haru don’t really want me here. It’s been a while since he hasn’t seen Rin."

"I see. He’s been busy with a lot of things recently – I’ve seen the last championship, he did quite good."

"He did second!" Makoto replied, exulting, as if the doctor had insulting Rin’s performance by calling it ‘quite good’ only.

"Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to be harsh."

Only the therapist remained outside of the pool, but today he wasn’t going to do anything. Today, it was Rin’s turn to take care of Haru, and the therapist was just there to evaluate the apprentice competence.

"You’re nervous," Haru told him, "I can feel your hands trembling on my skin."

"I thought you couldn’t feel anything !" Rin whined. "This is not fair."

"I told you it’s only under my bellybutton."

"I know, I was just kidding. You smiled, you know?"

"Did I?"

"Your psychiatrist is gonna be thrilled about that." Rin joked again.

"Shut up."

Usually Haru would stay in the water and just relax. He’d try to move sometimes, but never alone, always in a made to measure chair that could go underwater. One day Rin called him, saying he wanted to try new methods he’d seen from around the world – therapeutic sessions they did in America and Europe a lot.

"Are you ready?" Rin asked him. Haru nodded ; Rin went behind his back, his fingers never leaving Haru’s sides. "Now, do you trust me?"

"I do." Haru replied without hesitation.

"Fine, you should." Rin said, and Haru was glad to hear in his voice that somehow, his words had touched him in the right place.

"Throw yourself backwards now. I’ll catch you. Then, you’ll try to float on your own."

Haru frowned. "Is that it?"

"Yeah, that’s it. "Rin replied with a small laugh in his voice.

"Just floating?" Haru was born more agile in water than on earth, something that simple, for someone like him, was inborn to him. He couldn’t fail something as simple as that regardless of his handicap.

It appeared it was way more difficult than Haru thought it would be. But it was the very first time that he’d tried in three years and he had lost sensation he would never find again. He failed the first time and all the following ones, but he kept on trying. Each time Rin was there to catch him.

Haru closed his eyes. It felt so good, at last, to be reunited with Rin in the water after the Hell they had been through.

 

 

2.

 

"Yo, Nanase."

Haru had just entered the weighs room Sousuke owned. He rolled to the counter.

"You’ll have to wait a little," Sousuke told him, "There isn’t any machine available for you."

Haru shrugged, "I’ll wait then. Is Rin already there?"

"You bet; he’s over there." Sousuke said with a smile. "By the way, your subscription trial is almost over-"

Haru replied by aggressively putting some cash on the counter.

It’s been roughly a year since Haru had left the hospital. He’d been coming here for a month. His therapist told him having a well developed upper body would helped in a lot in his daily life, mostly for transfers. He had always refused to listen to these good advices, first because he was stubborn and second – maybe the most important of all – because he didn’t have any vital strength left.

Rin came back from Rio two weeks ago. Suddenly, the idea of Rin being here in front of him and witnessing his weakness was unbearable. It was hard at first but as soon as Rin was there, in the same room, training in front of him – so real – there’s something inside him, something that had been shut down for so long, which burst out and burned ardently and never disappeared.

Rin was at the very end of the room making pulls up. Pearls of sweat were running down his skin. He was breath-taking, like he had always been.

"Haru!"

He stopped before Haru could speak. He must have heard the wheels. He felt weak again, almost like a new-born.

"It’s nice to see you here again! Do you work out every day now? You should rest a bit you know."

"I’m not doing anything different from you."

"Ah, you got me on this one."

Rin took his small towel and swept the sweat off of his neck. Haru didn’t really know if it was because of the trauma but since that incident he always saw Rin surrounded by a halo of pink light. His bright smile showed his sharp teeth, but somehow it was too much. Haru could see Rin was forcing his smile every time they were together.

Just like the squeezing of his wheelchair this feeling more than anything got him down in the dumps.

"Can I try?" He asked Rin.

"Pulls up?"

Haru nodded.

"I think it’s too soon," Rin told him. "I’ve seen in a book that non-innervated muscles are heavier than normal ones."

Haru shoulders stiffened. "Since when are you so curious about muscles?"

"It was on a anatomy book." Rin replied on the defensive.

Rin and Sousuke helped him a lot. In the blink of an eye, all his vanished muscles came back and soon Rin allowed him to do some pulls up.

"Be careful." He kept on saying. "Take a good grip and tell me when it’s too much. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere."

"I know." Haru muttered.

Sousuke and Rin pulled him on his feet and then lifted him up until his hands caught the bar. Haru felt Sousuke released his side but Rin didn’t. He circled his waist, Haru felt his hair tickling on his skin.

"Tell me when it’s okay." He said softly.

If only Rin could stay there and never let go.

Eventually Haru asked him to. He hold the bar without pulling up for almost 30 seconds before tetany gained his muscles and Rin brought him back on earth, and then on his wheelchair.

"The shower is free," Sousuke gave him some shampoo and a towel, "If you want to use it."

"Ha."

When they were left alone, Sousuke joined Rin and helped with his training.

"Congratulation on your 3rd place."

"I could have won." Rin said between his crunch.

"Yeah, so do I."

Rin stopped after his 100th crunch. "Are you being sarcastic?"

"Maybe, maybe not. So you and Nanase," he said, changing the subject drastically on purpose - as if it was the only thing he cared about - "When are you going to confess to each other?"

Rin groaned and resumed his crunches.

"You know, it’s only his legs that aren’t working, not his heart. He’s got a very pretty pair of eyes; mine are just fine either and really watching you two flirting it’s so gross, it’s disgusting, it feels like watching Love Actually ten times in a raw with you and your sister."

"You’re kidding."

"No I’m not," Sousuke said seriously. Rin stood up all of a sudden. "Are you blind? Really? Don’t you see he comes here only because of you?"

"It’s _thanks_ to me, moron. And he is not, he’s doing it for himself. It’s the rehabilitation."

"You are the biggest moron of the universe, Rin Matsuoka."

Rin rolled his eyes and laid down on the bench again.

Indeed he was.

 

  

3.

 

There had been a time, no more than a couple of weeks and just before his state of severe depression, when Haru had been angry. He was yelling, all the time. He said he wanted to swim. He didn’t care if he couldn’t walk anymore but life couldn’t take his most important thing away from him – it was unconceivable.

At this early stage he was totally paralyzed, not even his big toe would listen to him ; but he was convinced that it would just pass in a matter of time. It did not. Only patience and hard work could.

Rin was there at the very beginning, he stayed almost a whole month. He barely left Haru’s room on his free time. Along with Makoto and the rest of the Iwatobis they witnessed, powerless, Haru’s denial and his vain attempt to break free from his own body. There was rage in his eyes but this feeling was ill and evil, and it worn out every bit of Haru’s strength before leaving him so much vulnerable.

Makoto felt something was off the moment Haru stopped fighting against the medical team. From that moment they could see nothing in his eyes. No more will, no more rage, no more Haru.

"The pool!" Makoto exclaimed one day in the middle of his daily chores. Ren and Ran stared at him for a minute, their brother seemed all of a sudden delighted and he left their house in a hurry. When he came in Haru’s room he was sitting on a chair with a belt maintaining his torso upright.

"How about we get to the pool together?" He told him.

It’s been so long since Makoto hadn’t smile like that, maybe for more than six months, from the moment Haru stopped fighting. He was so sure he would see the stars coming back in his eyes that his deception when nothing happened at all made him cry. Even his tears got no reaction from Haru.

They tried one day. Pushed by Makoto’s and all Haru’s relatives’ will, a new doctor – ‘ _he's barely older than Haru himself!’_ his mother exclaimed – took their ask seriously. They had waited for Rin to be present as well. It was weeks after Makoto first talked about it to Haru. It had been months since he hadn’t said a word. The therapist brought the wheelchair the closest possible to the edge of the pool.

"How about we get in?"

Blue eyes were lost, they seemed to be looking at the water but were they really? Had Haru been looking at anything at all recently? Did he want to?

"It looks like he’s not even there," Rin said in disbelief, "Like he can’t hear us, or see everything we’re doing for him."

"He doesn’t want to." Makoto told him.

That day Makoto realized what he had refused to acknowledge with a rare obstinacy for so long ; he could see in Haru’s eyes that his friend was gone.

Rin knelt close to the wheelchair. "The nurse aid dressed you with your swimsuit today. Let’s not waste all her effort. Come on, there’s a chair over there that can go under water. You’ll be able feel it on your skin. Don’t you miss it?"

He put his hand on Haru’s, and immediately Haru took it away. He began to shout unintelligible words. The whole initiative was a real fiasco.

"Haru has a complex personality," the young doctor said, "Even with our best expert we can’t always guess how he would react to what we do."

"I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful." Makoto said.

"Don’t be, you’ve already done more than people usually do. We had no idea of what’s going inside his head right now because no one here knows what it’s like to be paralyzed so young. All we can do right now is to have faith in him."

On their way back Rin shouted to the young doctor.

"How much more time do you think he will need to heal?" He asked.

It was not, by any mean, an easy question ; it was more the kind of one doctors hated because their wisdom couldn’t go that far. "I don’t know," he replied in all honesty, "I may know exactly how long it takes for an neuron’s axon to grow back, but I know nothing about how much time a person needs to heal from such an heavy physical and mental wound. Only time can."

Seeing the despair and, the doctor guessed, the love, still so clearly in Rin’s eyes, showed him his reply didn’t match the professional swimmer’s expectancy.

"It’s not him," Rin said, "I don’t recognize him. It can’t be Haru."

"If you want him to go back to you then you’ll have to act for it to happen." The doctor told Rin. "Be there for him, and be patient. You’ll be more efficient on your own than any medication we will give him."

If he remembered correctly it was been 3 months and a couple of days since no one had heard the sound of Haru’s voice.

 

 

4.

 

The water is alive. That’s a truth. Haru’s leg were not anymore, that’s a fact. Rin was very patient with him and this was just another certainty Haru’s had had for a while, and had been comforted as time went by – times when Haru and Rin were together in the water again, as it always should be.

As often as he could they would meet and practice very basic exercises. It took him four months to be able to float without Rin’s help, and when he succeeded it’s always a matter of seconds only. He could feel Rin’s hands always there to catch him when his legs started to fall. But time did not matter, it never did, for Haru it had always been about what he felt and his sensitivity with the water, or with Rin. And today it was the third time that he felt Rin’s fingers under his thighs.

The first time it happened Haru, of course, thought it was just phantom pain, something really common for his current state, and hadn’t paid attention at all. It had been too long to hope for any improvement anyway, the doctor had been very clear about it, and Haru had accepted it.

But it was the third time in a raw. This was far too much to call it a coincidence.

He couldn’t say if the fingers were warm or cold but he knew exactly where they were.

"You’re not making any effort today." Rin groaned.

Haru wasn’t indeed, in fact he was too busy trying to feel Rin’s fingers that he forgot what they were here for.

He locked eyes with Rin. Should he tell him?

What if it went away?

"What’s with this face?" Rin asked him. "You look like that stupid Pokémon fish."

"Magikarp?"

"Yeah that one."

"It means I’ll evolve into a Gyarados one day if you train me hard enough."

"Ha", Rin laughed, "I’m afraid your too much of a desperate cause for that."

It was difficult or Haru to hide a smile when Rin always hit the right spot. One day he would tell him, eventually. He would tell him everything.

 

The next week Rin knocked on Haru’s door just before the nurse aid left for the day. He had a package in his hand.

It was a mermaid costume.

"I know it's not exactly a Gyarados cosplay but I thought you might like it." Rin said casually, but Haru could see how stressed he was, with his shoulders tensed and his eyes literally scanning his face for his first reaction. He didn’t need to be.

"Rin...! It’s beautiful!"

The scale were shining blue. With the help of the nurse aid they dressed Haru and took a couple of pictures, one his the bathtub and even on the wheelchair. They showed them to him, Hary smiled from the bottom of his heart, a kind of smile rarely had the change to give since the accident. The nurse aid left with some tears still stuck in her eyes.

They went to the cinema with Rei and Nagisa, with Haru still wearing the tail.

"Yo!" Rin said proudly as soon as they arrived. Nagisa was too flabbergasted to open his mouth and Rei was almost screaming and summoning the gods of beauty. This almost made Haru blushed. He was then truly happy.

They put the tail on multiple times, so much that it caused irritation on Haru’s skin. There was a zone just above his thighs that got particularly itching. So Haru did what anybody would have done, he scratched.

And of course Rin saw the scratches.

"What happened? Did you fall?" He asked in panic.

There was already a bottle of disinfectant in his hand and he was ready to call the ER with his phone on the other. "I did not fall," Haru told him tiredly, "It’s just the tail. I had a reaction with the fabric, I think I’m allergic. It itches a little bit but it’s nothing to worry about."

Rin was always so worried for everything. Some times Haru would fell like nothing had changed between them but during those time he realized he’s not the only one who bore an invisible wound and tried to hide it.

Rin sighed. He looked ten years older than what he should.

"It’s really nothing, you need to stop worrying about me like that. I’m okay."

Mindlessly he scratched on the wounds. Rin looked puzzle for a second. He looked up to him, truly perplexed. "Are you even supposed to feel itchy down there?"

That’s when Haru realized he probably shouldn’t.

"You got your guilty face again," Rin went on as he stood up, "What aren’t you telling me?"

And so Haru told him, and Rin cried in his arms.

He didn’t tell him everything though.

He tried, he opened his mouth after kissing Rin’s tears away but nothing came out. What if he rejected him? Could Haru be so selfish to claim Rin’s heart and doomed him to a life of hardship when he deserved better?

He hadn’t realize Rin had already and on multiple occasion, given him his answer. But since no question was asked…

 

 

 

5. 

It happened so long ago that some moments became blurry in Haru’s memory. It was during Summer break, because he remembered Gou and Nagisa were visiting them in Tokyo. It was just before a National training but again Haru didn’t remember when exactly. Everybody was on edge; Rin on top of everyone despite being in top 3 for the Butterfly race. What was their fight about already? It was stupid, and probably about swimming and times, but none of this mattered now. Haru went running late at night to evacuate the frustration, with music in his ears. He didn’t look before crossing. He didn’t hear the car coming. It just happened. There was nothing else to add. 

 

 

 

6.

 

Rin put an end to his career after the Olympics game in 2020. He was still very young for a swimmer but as he said during an interview, in four years he wouldn’t be able to aim for the gold any longer. It was time to let the youth in. And he had some other project in mind.

"Hello!"

Nagisa now owned a pony club. He had invited Haru and the other for a little ballade in the woods.

"When did Nagisa earn that much money?" Haru asked Gou who was trotting next to him.

She shrugged. "No idea. Our best guess is that he sold his soul to Satan."

"Who had this idea? You?" Rin asked – he was just behind Haru, holding him against his torso.

"No! Rei of course!" She said as if it was obvious.

They all nodded in a common agreement.

It was the first time ever for Haru on a pony. Sceptical at first he had found the short journey, in the end, quite enjoyable. Rin’s presence holding him from behind being a very important part of what had been a delight.

When the ballade ended Makoto was waiting for them in front if the ranch. He caught him from his waist and secured the landing on solid ground. In Makoto’s arms Haru stay upright until his hands found his wheelchair. He sat.

Rin dismounted as well. Haru immediately stole a glance and what was his surprise to see that Rin was already glancing back at him. Except that he looked kind of pissed. Almost jealous. It was probably just his imagination but the way his cheek burned and his heart beat rode at the thought weren’t part of his daily fantasy. His attraction to Rin was nothing but some serious matter, and it had been there as long as he could remember. There was still that part of him which was so certain that his feeling were mutual which didn’t make anything easier. After all Rin came to see him a lot more lately, more than any of his friends and they have become more intimate than ever. It had to mean something. There had to be jealousy in Rin’s eyes.

Haru was so tired of this situation, of not knowing what Rin truly felt, of being sitting on the fence.

And then he realized that today might be the perfect timing, and probably the only shot he would have. Rin had stopped swimming professionally, he said he had others plans in mind, he started spending way more time with Haru than he did before. It was now or never. After all his legs wouldn’t work even if he waited a million years, if it was really a problem for him then delaying his proposal didn't make any sense.

"Rin."

Haru called him and offered him his hand. Rin stared for a moment, confused; but eventually after a short while, he took it, and dropped it only a few minute later.

 

They were on Haru’s doorstep at the end of this beautiful day. Haru took the ramp and Rin the steps. When he opened his door Haru’s hand tensed on the handle.

"Is there something wrong?" Rin asked, again, as if there was always going to be something that would go wrong because Haru was disable.

"Do you want to stay over for the night?"

Haru was determined to show him that there was absolutely nothing Rin should be worried about. He could make his food alone, clean himself alone, he was almost autonomous with his sphincter deficiencies – urinary catheters and rectal tampons had no secret for him – and he thought from the bottom of his heart that he was living something very similar to a normal life.

This was something Rin needed to understand.

"Please. Come in. I’m not gonna bite. Maybe I’ll roll on your feet accidently but that’s it."

Rin remained silent and then, he smiled and went inside.

He made himself comfortable on the couch. Haru was busy in the kitchen preparing dinner. Rin got ants in his pants; his feet tapped on the floor and his hands were crossing and uncrossing on his thighs.

"Do you really insist that you don’t want any help?"

"I do. Put the TV on if you’re bored."

Rin leaned back on the couch and groaned. "I don’t want to watch TV." His eyes blankly stared at the white ceiling. To Hell with Haru’s request, he could at least set the table for him.

He joined Haru in the kitchen, and almost fainted when he saw the sight in front of his eyes.

Haru was standing in front of his gas cooker. Like, standing on his own two feet.

"Ha-Ha-Ha-ru what is-what are you-how?!"

Haru sighed, put the wooden big spoon on the table. "I have weights that help me find my balance." His eyes fell on his ankles were indeed there were 2kg training weights. "I didn't only make progresses with my sensitivity, why are you so surprised?"

"Well, because you never told me!"

Haru shrugged. "It doesn’t really matter. I can’t hardly stand more than a couple of minutes anyway."

"But when did you start standing like that?"

"I don’t know. I’ve really improved since you started helping me in the pool. I found back my balance without feeling my legs, and I even started feeling your fingers holding me. One day I tried to move my toe and I nearly succeeded so I thought, why not ? I called the doctor," Haru turned the gas down and looked at Rin, "He told me it was maybe a good idea to start rehabilitation again."

Rin was in tears.

"It’s a real miracle, you know ? That I’ve been able to make that much progresses so long after the accident. That’s what they told me but to me it makes so much sense," Haru went on, "Because to me everything unblocked the moment you came back into the water with me."

He could see Rin crumbled in front of him but Haru said nothing to make it better. "You healed me. You’re still healing me. I don’t know how it’s working but I can feel things better every time you’re near me. It’s like you’re magic." His eyes went down to the fraying pan before adding, in a muffled voice, "If I could I’ll never get separated from you."

He knew his body was about to give up soon; his hands looked for his wheelchair but Rin’s found his waist faster.

"Let me go!" He groaned. "I can take care of myself."

"You’re an idiot." Rin sobbed. "Let me help you."

"I am not going to break because you let me go, I won’t fall and shatter into piece just because someone blows on me! I’m not saying that I need you to help me, I want you here by my side because I'm in love with you!" He yelled, and turned around so that Rin could see him teary-eyed. "And I think you do love me too. But, you’re not doing it the right way."

Haru didn’t wait for any kind of respond from Rin, being something that could have betrayed his feelings showing on his face or words, he couldn’t. He felt suddenly extremely tired.

"I’ll teach you." He added when Rin remained silent but did not let him go. "If you want to."

"I do," Rin murmured.

Haru took some time to collect himself. "Fine." He answered, when he was sure he wouldn't start crying as well.

Rin dropped a kiss on the back of his head. It made the room spin, and Haru lost his balance – Rin caught him.

"So a breeze can’t unsettle you but you can’t handle a simple kiss." Rin teased him.

"You cheated, you took me by surprise."

"Tsk, you sure have some guts to say that to me after your little speech. Jeez, Haru."

They both laughed and cried at the same time.

 

 

7.

 

Tonight they decided to go on Rin’s bed. Haru’s was a motorised air mattress to prevent bed sores and it turned on every hour; Rin really had a problem with this – it killed the mood, always, he’d say. Haru loved kissing him, but tonight he wanted more.

Even if he couldn’t fell his lower half there were places on his skin that were more sensitive than ever, places Rin took little time to find and played with as often as he could. The crook of his neck, his nipples, mostly, and the border area where his sensibility died. It was still very difficult to go further than a few kisses and soft touches, because Haru’s rare erections never last more than a minute – when he realized he had one – and Rin obstinately refused to get pleasure on Haru’s behalf.

It got on Haru’s nerves. Each fucking time Rin refused to be touched. It had been months.

"At least, for fuck sake, let me suck you off." Haru swore, something he only did when he was furious.

"I told you it was fine. You don’t need to force yourself I’m fine with the situation as it is, I knew what was ahead of me when I-"

Haru hushed him with a kiss. "I’m not. I want to pleasure you. Please let me at least do that."

His hand travelled down Rin’s groin to find his cock flat. "Rin, come on." He whined.

"I’m sorry."

Rin kissed him on the temple and pulled him into a hug. Haru got free of his arms. "Yeah you should be."

He sat on the edge of the bed and went on his wheelchair, which was never far from him.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Going back to my room since you don’t need me here."

"You know it’s not true." Rin was now standing in front of him. "I just don’t want to force you into anything."

"So what, you’re not aloud to climax because I can’t?" Haru bit back. "This is as stupid as saying you’d stop walking because I can’t."

"Please, not this again."

"You realize you won’t even touch me, or let me touch you, or fuck me-"

"What’s the point if you can’t feel anything?" Rin replied vehemently. "You could get hurt, this is insane and dangerous and you know it, stop being a pain in the ass now and let me carry you."

"I don’t want you to. If I can’t have my blowjob then you can’t carry me bride style."

Rin knew better than to argue any further. At first he did, but since then he had learned, some times the hard way. Those continuous fights were like poison running between them and ruined the extraordinary bond they had built for so long. And Haru knew it was just how Rin chose to love him, he never thought he did him harm by being so cautious but in the end it made Haru feel like a child, when he was a grown up man who just wanted to have sex with his boyfriend.

He let Rin tuck him in. His hands were warm and smoothing when he caressed his arms. "Sweet dreams," he whispered, as always, to what Haru usually replied by a 'you too my love', but tonight he didn’t.

"You’re feeling guilty, aren’t you?"

It caught Rin by surprise.

"You’re feeling guilty because you kept on swimming and I didn’t, because you saw me struggling with my wheelchair when you still had your two legs. You’re feeling guilty because we had the same life and you weren’t the one who got hit by the car."

Rin sat on the bed. His hand was still caressing Haru’s arm but he remained deadly silent.

"Is there a glimpse of a possibility that you think it happened because we had a small and insignificant argument before it happened?"

"Haru-"

"Are you really that stupid to think you have anything to do with my current state? Really Rin, tell me."

Haru was making an herculean but successful effort to stay calm when his mind was racing in the fast line. Quickly there was only one single question that obsessed him, to the point where it drove him crazy

And Rin was still silent as a tomb.

"Is that why you’re here with me, is that only because of the guilt?"

"Of course not!" Rin told him immediately, "Haru, how can you think for a second that it could be valid reason to stay by your side?"

He circled Haru’s waist and laid next to him, his head resting on the same pillow. "I love you. That’s the only thing that binds me to you. I have always loved you as far as I can remember. It started long before you get injured and the accident did not lessen anything of what I felt for you. Damn Haru, can’t you see how much I love you already, all the things I tried to do to help you, to make your life easier, to stay with you through all this and still being able to achieve my dreams."

"I would have killed you if you’d stopped swimming because of me." Haru said.

"I know, I never intended to." Rin hold him closer against his chest. "I just love you so much," he sobbed, "I would have done everything for you to feel better but I never know how to. I would give you my legs if only I could."

"But I don’t want them!"

Haru turned around and took Rin’s face in the palm of his hands. "I don’t want all that, I don’t want your legs, I want you! I’ve mourned my old body and my old life long ago, and I have accepted and I embrace the new one, mostly because of how all of you were there to support me and, most importantly, because of you. You healed me, Rin, you’ve healed my soul; now I need you to love the current me, the one you cured, like you loved the me who was wounded."

Rin’s arms were suffocating him, that plus his tears wouldn’t let him breathe. And yet Haru felt so much lighter now that all these words and worried were out of his chest.

They cried themselves to exhaustion. When Haru couldn’t even move his fingers, he sniffed and took a box of tissues, handed one to Rin before he blew.

"Can I stay here with you tonight?" Rin asked.

"I thought you hated this bed."

He hated that his voice still sounded too weak.

"I still do." Rin replied.

Haru said nothing when he laid beside him under the sheets. As if he could have…

Just as he was about to fall asleep and before the thin line between his thoughts and his daydreams slowly vanished, Haru spoke some words he wouldn’t remember when the next morning came.

"I took me a hell of a mighty long time but I made it to where I’m laying now. And you, Rin, how much more time do you need to be healed?"

 

 

8.

 

"Dad! We need to talk."

It was never good news when Sakura came straight from school with a mischievous smile on her pretty face and her hands on her hips. She was only 8 years old now, but oh gosh, what a little terror – she had spent too much time with a certain aunt with red hair and a strong character.

Haru was busy painting in the living room; he put the pencil back on the easel and rolled to the entrance.

"Do you need anything Mr. Nanase?" The neighbourg asked – she picked up the children every afternoon when Rin couldn’t.

"No thank you very much. Do you want some saba? I cooked them this afternoon."

She politely declined, and soon father and daughter were left alone.

Later that day when the three demons were fast asleep, Haru told Rin what their oldest daughter had done that day. Rin was in tears.

"No way"! he laughed. "She seriously said you would break the bones of that pest’s father at arm wrestling?"

Haru nodded. "Her classmate said that her father said she sucked because one of her father was in a wheelchair. She just defended me."

"Yeah but she shouldn’t have said this thing about you breaking another’s father’s arm. Not that you won’t be able but, you know, it’s not something that will make us shine during the next teacher’s conference – which is by the way in three weeks and we haven’t decided yet who will endorse the burden this time."

"Rin," Haru said with a serious look on his face, "I’m on a wheelchair."

"You can’t play the disable card every time you don’t want to do something. It doesn’t work on me anymore."

Haru looked away and pouted, before taking his glass of wine to his lips again. "Anyway, she said the fight will be tomorrow."

"I can’t wait." Rin finished his glass and put it next to Haru’s. "Do you plan on going?"

"Of course. I want to see that man’s face."

"Does he know that your gay too?"

Haru frowned. "Is Sakura old enough to know what it means already?"

"No, but I was thinking of coming with you." Haru,s frown deepened. "Oh come on, that would be hilarious. Imagine this guy finding out you’re disable and gay. What a pain for society."

"And a free lance artist who enjoys red wine and live on the state subventions."

"You have everything for yourself."

"As long as I have you."

Rin smiled and dropped a kiss on his cheek. From the corridor of their new house they could hear a child crying.

"Your turn." Rin said.

"Why did we agree on adopting so much?"

"You said you were alright with three!"

 

There were days like these, when everything seemed so simple, so common, when their routine felt like an endless honeymoon. There were times when it was more difficult.

Rin remembered quite clearly when they had to cut Haru’s leg.

One night Rin came back to find his husband running with a high fever. Sakura had called him. She was 13 at that time.

"He’s burning!" She told him. "He wouldn’t listen to me! He wouldn’t let me call the doctor!"

Rin took his temperature. It was over 40 degrees. "I think we’ll skip the doctor and go directly to the ER. Sakura, be a good girl, take care of your younger brother and sister. I’ll call your aunt."

"Okay. Take care of daddy." She hugged Rin and took her second father’s burning hand in hers.

Haru was barely conscious when they arrived. The infection was so severe that he went directly in the ICU. To think that it started with a stupid nail that had cut through his toe’s skin.

"I don’t want them to cut it." He sobbed on Rin’s chest. "I know it’s only here for show but I love her, I love my leg even if she doesn’t move. I like her where she is."

"I know," Rin hushed, caressing his hair – seeing his love filled with so much despair made him feel miserable. It was like looking back in time, almost 20 years ago when he was still struggling with his body. Life was so unfair. After everything they had gone through now they had to cut his leg.

It happened they did cut only his infected toe.

Haru was so relieved, but for Rin it was still a mutilation, it was still a cut into Haru’s tired body.

His tighs weren’t bigger than Sakura’s arm.

He had never seemed so fragile. And Rin had never felt so angry.

Then came the bed sores – the worst took one year to disappear – the urinary infections four times a year and when the children had all left home, the dependency. None of them were young old man anymore. Rin had a lot of trouble to let go of the daily care he gave Haru, well the one he used to. There was a nurse he trusted but all the other couldn’t touch him when Rin wasn’t in the room, and he insisted on doing every injection Haru needed. Rin had to take a part time job to take care of him.

 

"I want an electronic wheelchair for my birthday." Haru once told him. Rin almost choke his bread.

"What's gotten you all of a sudden?"

It was just after he had barely recovered from a nasty cold . "I want to be able to move on my own again. Let's be honest; I will never find my former arms again. And I hate to depend so much on others - on you, mostly."

"Do you know how much it cost?"

"An arm or a leg, probably; since I only have two limbs left I thought you should be the one to sacrifice one of yours. What do you think?"

"It's deadly logical." Rin said with a hint of sarcasm.

"I thought you would like the idea. More seriously Rin, I really need it," he went on, "I feel like I'll really be happier when I have my mobility back. I could go around the house at my will, start cooking and painting again. Maybe we could have a garden."

Haru was making so much plan once he'd have his new wheelchair that Rin couldn't find the strength to refuse. That meant he'd have to take a full time job again and to be less here for him, but it was the only demand Haru had had for months, maybe years, who was he to decline when it came from the person he loved and cherished the most?

The day before he started working early again, Rin did his last injection.

"So where do you want it this time, thigh or belly?"

"Belly, last time I had a huge bruise just there." Haru pointed a blue circle in the middle of his left thigh. "I think I could do a better job than you."

"Don't forget to pinch the skin, you mustn't inject the heparin in the muscle, got it?"

"Roger."

Rin sighed - he was kind of pissed that he wouldn't be the one to take care of Haru from that point to be honest - and did the injection. Haru flinched as if he was in pain, but only to make fun of Rin, who sent him a death glare.

"Don't you dare."

Haru laughed, and warned; he was still exhausted from his day when it was only 8pm.

"Sweet dreams, my love." Rin kissed him on his forehead and waited for his goodnight, but Haru was already asleep at that day, with an honest smile on his peaceful face.

 

  

9.

 

Sakura found Rin on the second floor, he was drinking his cup of tea reading the newspaper.

"I’ve just missed dad again!" She whined, and sat next to Rin. "Can I have some?"

"Tea?"

"Yeah, what else?."

Rin poured her a mug. "Haru has his art club on Tuesday afternoon now; they changed the day this year, they had a problem with rooms or something like that." Rin told his daughter.

"And you’re not going with him?"

"No. Not this time."

Sakura didn’t say anything, but this was new, and very disturbing for her. As long as she could remember Rin when he could, had never left Haru’s side.

On this side of the house the balcony overlooked the garden. Her dads spent a lot of time here, cutting the plants and watering the flowers. Rin had insisted they planted a sakura tree at the very end, and on summer times they laid under and slept until the chills woke them up. During spring it was truly a beautiful view. This year Haru had painted it, he had said that it was the prettiest blooming he had seen in 61 years of existence.

The road where Haru had left with the taxi was on the other side. Usually at least Rin would watch him go until his eyes couldn’t follow his trace. But today he was being lazy and reading the sports page on a newspaper.

Sakura stared at her father until he stopped. "What?" He said.

"What happened to you?"

"Nothing, why can’t I enjoy a good read by a warm September afternoon?"

"Because it’s not part of your routine, and old people don’t change their habits without a very good reason."

"Are you calling me old?"

"Dad."

"Okay, okay, I’m old, I get it."

Sakura smiled and took a slip of her tea. Sakura tea, of course, he knew she was coming.

"It took me more than forty years but look at me now, Haru, I’ve done it too."

"Did you say anything?" Sakura asked. She swore she had heard him mumbling something.

Her father turned around, he stopped for a second – as if he was about to say something but chose otherwise at the last moment – and then he smiled, with his lips and eyes. "Nothing my dear. Nothing at all."

When Haru came back Rin was sitting in the garden, reading a book. He had this ugly hat on his head they’d won during a funfair. He looked so absorbed that Haru didn’t dare to called him; instead he headed to the kitchen to prepare dinner. He was feeling good today. It had been a while since he hadn’t had any problem.

Rin got alerted by his husband's presence with the smell of mackerel filling his nostril.

"How was it?" He asked Haru as he set the table for two.

"Good, as always."

"Did you have fun?"

"And you?"

"Sakura came to see me, well she meant to see us but you weren’t there."

"Ah."

After they were done Haru put the dishes in the washing machine and looked for Rin. He was usually never far from his sight but it had been a couple of days since his attitude had been…curious, but absolutely not in the bad way.

He was back in their garden, his nose in his book, reading, just reading.

Haru let him. He waited for the nurse to put him to bed and then waited for Rin to kiss him good night.

"Sweet dreams." Rin said.

"You too my love."

Haru felt asleep with a curl on his lips.

 

In their garden Rin had found at last something he had lost a long time ago. He had found peace.

He could finally rest.

 

 

 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Merry Xmas to VagabondDiesel who asked for injury angst. I hope you liked it and that it was sad enough - I couldn't do more than that, gomen ;_;


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